White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
