I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize