I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
