i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
