I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
