Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
