i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
