It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
