There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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