hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
