We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
