I have demons in me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
