Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They took my balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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