i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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