# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
