so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
