Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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