You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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