Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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