can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
