she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
