I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
and she was petting her beer can
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
