Sry I called you an 8
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
