He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
