You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
