ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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