Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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