Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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