Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
