so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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