If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
