she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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