So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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