So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are my feet made of real feet?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
