if i can run in heels then i can drive
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
