Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will pee on everything he values.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
