PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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