I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
