All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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