I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize