I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
