nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i've created a new STD.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
