you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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