So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
