8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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