There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
