This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
