You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
