Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
