her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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