So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize