I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
