Your dad touched me again.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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