Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
