I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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