Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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