Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
