saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
