remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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