just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
