why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
