My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
