Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
