At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
