There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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