no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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