Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
