Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he shaved USA in his pubs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
