I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had sex on a dog bed..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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