the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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