when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
