So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
