That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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