Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
