sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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