Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
