i permit you to call me
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
