Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
